Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My Biological Father

Chapter 1

I have been debating writing about this topic since I started blogging a few months ago for a few reasons.

1.) I wasn't sure how to put my thoughts and feelings into words
2.) I knew it would be long

I keep thinking about it and I have finally decided that I'm just going to jump in and do it. I'm not sure how long this will take so please hang in there while I get this out of my system.

I'm not sure where to start this story so I will start where I started. For my wedding I wanted to have a cathedral length veil but I was not willing to pay for one from a store. So my Grandma bought some tulle that matched the color white of my dress and she cut the bottom to match my train, then I sat for weeks and weeks with that veil on my living room floor gluing teeny tiny pearlized beads to it. At the time I worked for a Fitness Center and I opened the club everyday so I was home by 2 in the afternoon. That gave me a few hours each day to work on it before Dave got home from work. During this time I had a lot of time to think about all kinds of things. One day I was sitting there gluing the beads on and this weird thought popped into my head while I was staring at a picture of my dad taken a year before he passed away.

I instantly burst into tears at the thought of this idea being true. No way, but maybe, actually yes! The next hour was so long while I waited for Dave to get home. As soon as he walked in the door I said to him "I think I'm adopted!" I figured Dave would think I was crazy and tell me I needed some help but instead he said that it would explain some things that never made sense to him but he wanted to know why I thought this.

We sat down and I started explaining to him why I thought my dad adopted me.

1.) I look nothing like my brother and sister
2.) I've never felt comfortable with my dad's family
3.) When I was born I had my mother's maiden name but at the age of 3 it was changed to my dad's name. The kicker with this one is I remember going to the courthouse and being in the judges chamber and if I was just taking my biological fathers last name then I wouldn't have had to go through all of that.
4.) Oh yeah, my mom and dad weren't married until I was 1 but they waited for 2 years to change my name
5.) When I was 16 and going to get my temps we had to get a new SSN card because my mom lost mine and the lady told my mom that a Jessica Jurden didn't exist only a Jessica Harmon. At this point my mom made me go out to the car and wait. When she came out she said that the reason they couldn't find me is that when I changed my name they kept my SSN# the same.
6.) My mom got into a fight one time with my youngest brothers father and when I refused to leave the room he told my mom if she didn't make me he would tell me what she didn't want me to know.

Now I know some of those could very easily have other explanations to them but nothing ever added up to me and Dave agreed with me that he thought my dad adopted me. The next question was how to find out for sure, where do I start because I was not comfortable asking my mom. So I just sat with this for the time being. I mean I did have a wedding to plan and that was number one on my list. It wasn't like the truth behind who my father was would change if I didn't find the truth right then and there.


Tiffany McCallen said...

I think you're so brave to get this story out in the open. Good for you! And perhaps having some outside perspectives will shed some new light on the mystery. No matter what, I hope this brings some resolution to what I know is a very painful subject matter for you. Much love, Tif

Mom to 3 Monkeys said...

Wow! That sounds accurate. But sooo not fair to post that and then leave us on the edge of our seats. Interesting. You know my eldest was adopted by my husband. I had his name changed when he was one. And he had my last name until we got married after college and then had to be married two years before adoption can legally happen. He knows this but only casually. He has never really asked about it. I want to know the rest of your story!!

JWilson said...

MT3M: From someone who wasn't told I'm glad you have told your son. I truly believe that adoptied children should know. It's also nice to hear that there are other people out there with similiar lives.

I also promise to keep posting but there is no way this story would fit into one, two, three, or even four post. It will be a long journey but I wont stop until it's done.

Insane Mama said...

So? this is good, good for you to talk about it, writing about our past and present really helps. It'f free therapy, so please continue now.
My oldest daughter, the teenager, has a different dad then the rest and although SHE knows, the other kids don't and it's getting tricky over here because er license has a different last name.

Candid Carrie said...

Nice work, Mrs. Wilson. I've been thinking about you all day ;)

JWilson said...

Thank you Carrie, your help with getting this started has meant alot to me.

Judy Haley (coffeejitters) said...

sometimes the secrets are more painful than the truth they were hiding.
I'm curious to hear the rest of the story