Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Young Mama

Why is it these days that society looks down on young mothers?

I'm not talking about teenage mothers here but young mothers in there early 20's even if they are married. My Grandma was 19 when she had her first child and barley married a full year. Both my mom and Dave's mom were 21 when they had us. So what has changed? Why do people treat me like I'm not capable to be a good parent?

By the time Dave and I were married we had been together for almost 6 years so we knew we wanted to have children and we both wanted to have them while we were young. So thats what we did, we started trying a month before our wedding. One miscarrage and 7 months later we found out I was pregnant. By the time I had Emma I was 22 and Dave and I had been married a little over a year. I don't see anything wrong with this senerio so I'm confused about why I have to hear women, particularlly women in their 30's, make comments about 20 somethings not being ready to raise children.

I'm sure not all women in their 30's feel this way, just like not all women in their early or even late 20's make good parents but for cryin out loud some of us are and were ready to be parents.

I'm sure this is obvious but I have been dealing with a few older women at work who continue to make comments around me about this topic. These women know my age, and they know I have two kids but that doesn't seem to matter. At first I tried to tell myself they weren't talking about me but the more they say the more personally I take it. To top it off both of these women are not married and they don't have children of their own. I know they want children and I'm sure it's hard for them to see younger women with husbands and children but that is not my fault and that certanily doesn't make me a bad mom.

For those of you women who waited to have kids until you were older great I'm sure you made the descisson to suit what was best for you. For Dave and I the life we wanted meant kids in our 20's. We are the ones that take care of them, cloth them, feed them, out a roof over their heads, and teach them things just like all those 30 something parents do. Yes we may have struggled financially for a few years and maybe had we waited to ahve kids until we were older we wouldn't have gone through that, but our children never wanted for anything so why does it matter.

I just don't get what age has to do with being a good mother or not that's all.


Tiffany McCallen said...

Although I had Noah when I was 28 (just a few days shy of 29), I had every intention of being a relatively young mom (say 24 or so). My life wasn't in a "mom" place when I was 24, so I had to wait. Personally, I think it's every woman's (family's) choice as to when they have kids. People who judge think they might know best, but they're really just talking about what works for THEM. Jess, you're a terrific mom; don't let anyone else tell you differently. And let those women know—maybe in casual way—that they're hurting your feelings. That might help them look at things in a new perspective.

Insane Mama said...

I was a young mom, and a good one. My grandparents were young also. It's a hard thought, yesterday I went with my daughter to register her for school and there were several young mothers registering. They seemed tired, and lots of the other kids gawked at them. (This is high school)
So, my thought is yes, you can be a good mom and be young, but finish school first.

JWilson said...

Insane Mama, I do agree you shoudl finish school because why make things harder for yourself but these women aren't talking about teenage moms they have made so many comments about women in their early and mid twenties being to young.

Kelly said...

Two words for these "ladies" at work: Jealous Much?!
I agree with Tiffany, it's your choice (not society or the old bitties you work with ... yikes I just called myself an old bitty as I am also in my 30's) when you and your husband should and did start a family!
I would just walk away when these 2 start in on this conversation again...