Monday, August 4, 2008

Biological Father: Chapter 4

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

On Wednesday July 18, 2007 I got my answers, well most of them anyway.
Ever year when my babysitter takes her vacation I take mine to stay at home with the kids. Every year I take one of those days to go and visit my Grandma and I usually see my Aunt Pat while I’m there since they live 10 minutes from each other. This particular year my Grandma’s husband had a doctor’s appointment the afternoon I was there so the kids and I went over to my Aunts house and spent some time with her swimming in her pool.

The whole time I was swimming I kept hearing a voice in my head saying;

“Just ask her you chicken”

It was the perfect time for me to do it. There was no other family around to overhear or interrupt us so I did it. I asked my Aunt.

We had just finished swimming and the kids were playing with her grandkids toys so I turned to my Aunt Pat and said “Is my dad really my dad?” The look on her face was all I needed. In that moment I had my answer and she didn’t have to say a word. When she finally spoke she asked me what I said so again I asked her if my dad was really my dad. This time I also added that if she wasn’t comfortable answering she didn’t have to I would understand. That is when she looked right at me and said “you should really be asking your mother this but I can tell you already know the answer so I’m just going to say it. No, John adopted you.”

In that moment so many things changed for me yet so many things stayed the same. I don’t know if I will ever be able to express in words the emotions I felt in that moment but they were strong, so strong that not even I could cry. I always cry, at everything!

Of course she had questions and I had questions but she was the first to speak again and she asked me when I figured it out and how. I told her all my reasons for thinking I was adopted and how they had come to me, I also told her why I didn’t feel I could ask my mom and that was why I asked her instead. She agreed with me that mom would not have handled that well and she also said she was pretty sure my mom would lie to me about it. I then told my Aunt about the conversation Steph had with mom six months earlier and I asked her if Mike was my biological father?

4 comments:

Tiffany McCallen said...

What a moment that must have been for you...the first true confirmation that your dad is not your only dad. Heavy stuff. You know, all this writing you're doing now will be compelling reading for your kids someday as they become more curious about their heritage. Although maybe not the ideal way to celebrate one's history, your story will likely be passed down through the generations! Keep on telling...

Mom to 3 Monkeys said...

Answers!! How strange and exciting and scary to be getting answers when you finally did. That must have been surreal.

Insane Mama said...

Wow, her look was all you needed... I can't imagine how you must have felt.

Kelly said...

I've been in the same type situation...in that you know the answer, but the answer is still shocking and devistating! I'm sorry you couldn't get the answers you needed from your Mother at that time...