Chapter 1 Chapter 4
Chapter 2 Chapter 5
The hour and a half long car ride home was a very long one that night. The kids feel asleep fairly quickly into it so I was left with the silence of the road and the thoughts in my head. It had been five years since I had the first thought of being adopted. I knew from the minute I thought it that I was right; I also thought that after five years of knowing I was ok with it and that it wouldn’t bother me to hear someone else tell me. I couldn’t have been more wrong!
The first emotion I remember feeling was shock. Then came curiosity, what did he look like now, where did he live, was he even still alive, was he a nice man or a mean one, was he stilled married to the lady my Aunt saw him with that day at the mall, did he have other kids, would I ever be able to find him with just his name, did I want to find him, if I found him what would I say? By the time I made it home the shock had started to wear off and the anger was setting in. Why did my mom never tell me? Why did she make everyone lie? Would my parents have told me if my dad hadn’t died? Why, why, why?
Dave was in his office when I finally got home. I walked into the room and handed him a Polaroid that my Aunt had given me. Of course Dave asked who it was and I just replied with “It’s my father”. Really Dave said?? Cause it doesn’t look like the one of him in the living room. “Not that father this is my Biological one” I suspect I looked something like Dave did in that moment when my Aunt told me. Dave had that look of a deer in the headlights.
We decided to put the kids to bed and then we sat down and talked. I told him everything my Aunt had told me. I also told him that I thought I wanted to find him. I didn’t know what I would say but I wanted to try. Once I found him, if I found him, I would decide if I wanted to contact him or not. Dave was working for a Repo company so he had membership with some skip tracing companies. It only took him 5 minutes to find Mike. He was still alive and still married living in Mansfield Ohio. Dave wrote down his phone number and address and left the rest up to.
I spent the next two days as a stalker. I was constantly on the Internet trying to find out anything I could about him. I was able to find out that he had an 18 (now 19) year old son that was a very good Basketball player and a 15 (now 16) year old daughter with the most cruel name a parent could give a girl. She had made a video for geometry class with 4 other girls and it was posted on U-tube. I must have watched that video a million times to try and figure out which one was her. I wanted to know if I looked like her or him. I also spent those two days doing a lot of thinking. I had conversations in my head pretending I was talking to him. In some of the conversations he was nice, in others he wasn’t.